My first appointment was nerve racking. I didn’t know what to expect. I am sitting in the waiting room, and all I can focus on is the clock that almost says 2:30pm. I see a thin, tall man sitting behind me, texting on his phone and chewing his gum obnoxiously loud. 2:35pm rolls around and the medical assistant opens the door and calls out my name. The first thing I have to do is step on the scale. My vital signs are taken, medical questions are asked and then I’m left there to wait for the doctor. Dr. Burtis walks in and instantly I felt relaxed. She has such a personable and compassionate demeanor. We discussed things from my childhood to my eating habits. “I think we can help you.” I met with the dietician a week later and that’s when we talked about goals. 1500 calories, 80-100g of carbohydrates and 80-100g of protein per day. I stepped on a body fat percentage scale that provided me with so much information. Percent body fat, calories burned at rest, visceral fat, metabolic age, and muscle mass. I see her next at the end of May.

The same day I had my first behavioral group meeting. It’s a group of about 10 other people who have the same goal: to lose weight. Some people are on a surgical track to help them lose weight, and others like myself – are on a non-surgical route. Everyone was so encouraging of each other and supportive. The meeting was led by a social worker and the topic of the day was binge eating. I looked over to a woman sitting directly in front of me and saw that she wrote on her paper “everything is possible.” She gave me hope and she doesn’t even realize it. I felt myself getting internally emotional during this session. It’s going to be a long journey for me and it’s not going to be easy. I have a lot of weight to lose to be healthy. But I’m ready.

I have made the conscious decision to start losing weight seriously. I was a normal sized toddler. 4th grade was when I started realizing I was a little “chubbier” than the rest of the girls in my class. Getting dressed one day I remember crying to my dad saying “I’m fat.” It’s sad to think I thought of myself that way at such a young age. Through middle school, high school, and college I continued to gain weight and I am now at my heaviest, and not proud of it. I was an active kid growing up. From competitive dance, soccer, basketball, and softball I was usually always on the go. I have tried to lose weight in the past and I either lose motivation, or give up. I have come to the realization it’s all a mentality thing for me. The willpower to refrain from unhealthy foods is my biggest weakness, as well as not knowing when to stop eating. However, diet and exercise aren’t the only components to weight loss. Metabolic and the way your body metabolizes fats, carbohydrates and proteins is another part of it. I have PCOS. Polycystic ovarian syndrome. This disease affects every individual differently and occurs in 1 in 10 women of childbearing age. There is a hormonal imbalance of reproductive hormones which can lead to infertility, trouble with weight loss, excessive hair growth, weight gain, pelvic pain, fatigue, irregular menstrual cycles, and acne. I have been involved with the Weight and Wellness Center in Portland, ME. I have been seeing a dietician, a physician, and a behavioral therapist. My goal of making this blog is to be able to reflect on my journey and hold myself accountable. I will be posting about how I am progressing, my set backs, and healthy foods I make!